Monday Seven No. 014

Complaining

Hey Friends 👋🏼

Let’s talk about complaining.

But first, welcome to the 34 new subscribers from last week!

Sunday Seven is a weekly email where I share 7 things I’ve learned and loved across a broad range of subjects. I started writing this experimental newsletter three months ago. Back then, I had just returned from my first trip to India and hosted a travel slideshow. The following morning I sent an email to family and friends with a few interesting links which soon became the newsletter you’re reading now. Writing Sunday Seven has quickly become one of my favorite things to do each week. I’m excited to have you here.

Apologies for another Monday delivery. For those keeping tabs, that’s 3 out of the last 4 weeks. I’ve been busier than usual on weekdays and have been in the woods every weekend. Seriously considering rebranding the newsletter to Sometimes Sunday.

This week I’m writing about my least favorite personality traits — COMPLAINING.

I have no patience for kvetching. I’ve also been, wrongly so, quick to sweepingly dismiss complaining as mere whining, without pausing to consider its values. Inspired by Maya Angelou’s quote on complaining, I set out dive deeper.

Complaining is complicated and there is much we can discuss about the philosophy of complaining. It can give rise to great debate but also lead to cancel culture. Whistleblowers exercise a moral imperative to complain. Along with the complaint, there has to be action, as complaining without action leaves us feeling victimized and powerless. The one thing that’s clear is that we need complaints. This post is not meant to be an essay on complaining, though that seems like an interesting idea for a future post. For now, here are 7 things I learned this week about complaining…

Last week’s email had a 64% open rate. The top links were a charter city in Honduras, and the Baldwin Steps across from Casa Loma, Toronto.

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No. 014

1️⃣ QUOTE — by Maya Angelou from Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now.

Sister, there are people who went to sleep all over the world last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. Sister, those who expected to rise did not, their beds became their cooling boards, and their blankets became their winding sheets. And those dead folks would give anything, anything at all for just five minutes of this weather or ten minutes of that plowing that person was grumbling about. So you watch yourself about complaining, Sister. What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.

I first came across the quote from James Clear’s inspirational 3-2-1 Newsletter.

2️⃣ AT WORK — The Next Time You Want to Complain at Work, Do This Instead. According to executive coach Marshall Goldsmith, over half of employees spend more than 10 hours a month complaining or listening to others complain about their boss. A third spend more than 20 hours. This doesn’t even include complaining about other employees. We complain because it feels good, it’s easy and relatively low-risk. We complain to vent and to bond. We’re blowing off steam, but perhaps not from the right valve. Instead, the HBR article states that we should speak directly to the person who is the cause of our complaints.

3️⃣ WHY IT’S GOOD — Go Ahead and Complain. It Might Be Good for You by Micaela Marini Higgs (@micaelamarinih) for the New York Times. Complaining to blow off steam and as an acknowledgment of feelings is healthy and can help you get specific on what’s bothering you.

4️⃣ ESSAY — Can’t Complain by Kathryn Norlock (@katenorlock) argues for the values of complaining. Complaining can be mindful attention to shared suffering. At the very least it’s permissible and even desirable.

5️⃣ MINIMIZING COMPLAINT — The Minimum Complaint Theory states we should choose the options that generate the least amount of valid complaints. It goes on to state that complaints are invalid when the complainer has a positive preference.

Let’s say it’s a hot summer day, and all you want is ice cream. Nothing else will do. When given the choice between ice cream or no ice cream, you have a positive preference for ice cream and therefore any outcome other than eating ice cream will result in a complaint. Since you have a positive preference, your complaint is invalid according to the Minimum Complaint Theory. If you prefer that your complaint was valid and taken seriously, then the only situation that minimizes your complaint is if you did not exist. Since that is not preferred by you (assuming you are a rational person and would choose existence over ice cream) then your complaint is invalid.

Now try explaining that to someone next time they ask for ice cream.

6️⃣ MISJUDGEMENT — Charlie Munger on The Psychology of Human Misjudgement is one of those great talks you need to hear. Though it does not directly talk about complaining, Charlie Munger states his 24 standard causes for human misjudgment. Complaining, when left unchecked, can lead to the formation of wrong conclusions or opinions and consequently misjudgments. It’s on the longer side at 1 hour and 15 minutes. I recommend listening to it like a podcast (Spotify, Soundcloud).

7️⃣ BEEF, MUSICALLY SPEAKING — The verb, not the cow. The word beef goes all the way back to late 19th century America. The cry of “Hot Beef!” was meant to raise an alarm and stop a thief. Eventually, it took on the meaning to complain. There are 6,800 songs with beef in the lyrics. Squash All Beef by hip-hop pioneer KRS One is well worth a listen (Spotify, Apple, YouTube)

Be a mental vegetarian, indulge in no beefs. — KRS One

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Last Words

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Until next week,

Yashar