Monday Seven No. 015
Relationships, Well-Being, and Self-Doubt
Hey Friends šš¼
Last weekās email had a 54% open rate. The top links were Mariam Websterās definition of kvetching, and what to do the next time you want to complain at work.
We had friends over for dinner this past Saturday night. It was the first time we hosted in this new world and the first time in our new home. They asked how I write these newsletters and it was a hard question to answer. In a way, they write themselves. They are a lot of work and I spend about 4-6 hours a week writing. Thatās not counting the hours of research which usually means reading a handful of articles in the morning before starting work. Though I just write about whatever happens to be top of mind that week. As it turns out, our dinner guests provided the inspiration for this post. They seemed happy and full of life. It led me to dig up a few articles and links Iād saved on relationships, happiness, and the ego.
Letās dive inā¦
No. 015
1ļøā£ Learning āĀ The Science of Well-Being a free online course on happiness by Yale.
Iām going to take this this course in September. Itās about 4-weeks long. It would be a lot of fun to do it with my readers, whether we know each other or not. I donāt have a firm start date but if youāre interested let me know and weāll get a group together. From the course description: āYou will engage in a series of challenges designed to increase your own happiness and build more productive habits. As preparation for these tasks, Professor Laurie Santos reveals misconceptions about happiness, annoying features of the mind that lead us to think the way we do, and the research that can help us change. You will ultimately be prepared to successfully incorporate a specific wellness activity into your life.ā
2ļøā£ Reading āĀ 100 Couples Share Their Secrets to a Successful Relationship by Polina Marinova Pompliano (@polina_marinova). Polina got married last week and crowd-sourced her readers for 20 tips on lasting, loving, and fulfilling relationships.
3ļøā£ Re-reading ā Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person by Alain de Botton (@alaindebotton). Reading Polinaās post reminds me of an article I read a few years ago on why weāre likely to get the big decision wrong. I donāt agree with the pessimistic view here. At the same time, itās important to know which road mines to avoid.
We marry the wrong people because we donāt associate being loved with feeling happy.
4ļøā£ Thinking about ā An Ego Fracturing Experience by Brian Martinez (@bmartlives). Iāve gotten to know Brian over the past few weeks and listened to a workshop he gave on managing our ego. Iāve really enjoyed his perspective and tactical advice on understanding our relationship with the ego. I put his ideas under the category of āI canāt believe this stuff is freeā and highly recommend subscribing to this newsletter. An Ego Fracturing Experience is when we step way outside our comfort zone From Brian:
An Ego Fracturing Experience is an incredibly growth-filled, albeit emotionally challenging experience that happens when you fully immerse yourself into a new space that youāre not actually prepared for.Ā
Here are some things you can ask yourself to determine if youāre in or stepping into an Ego Fracturing Experience:Ā
Am I facing challenges every day that I havenāt dealt with before?Ā
Am I pursuing a goal or business that a lot of people know about?Ā
Am I taking on a role where I feel underqualified?Ā
Do I feel like Iām currently āfaking it until I make it?āĀ
Are things that were previously a challenge for me feeling much easier?Ā
Brianās follow up post Is It Me or My Ego is also well worth a read.
5ļøā£ Watching ā Nonviolent Communication Workshop by Marshall Rosenberg.
6ļøā£ Listening to ā Rose Golden by Kid Cudi (Youtube, Spotify, Apple Music). This is my go-to track whenever self-doubt inevitably starts creeping in as it did this week. When I have self-doubt itās usually because Iāve stepped out of my comfort zone and well into the ego fracturing territory. Hereās the chorus
Oh, since I was young, been groovin' to my own drum
Ain't that many teachers show me my potential
Felt like a failure, momma said you know better
Future in my hands
God, she had a plan
Stronger than I know, soon I'd understand
The power I possess, the story of The Chosen
7ļøā£ Quote Iām into right now ā
Life is the dancer and you are the dance. ā Ekhart Tolle
Last Words
I had a lot of fun writing this weekās post. Iād love to hear what you think. You can reply with 1-2 quick lines (or more if you wish, of course).
As always, if youāre enjoying reading Sunday (Monday?) Seven, Iād love it if you share it with just one friend who you think would like it too.
Until next week,
Yashar